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I’ve hit some sort of ethereal roadblock.  I sat down this evening telling myself that I had done everything else I needed to do and that I have 5 hours to code.  Nothing.  Almost three hours have gone by and nothing has been coded.  I don’t know what’s wrong, there is a plethora of things I could do: Get scripting working correctly, work on AI algorithms, optimize collision detection, try to fix point sprites for the particle engine, start coding one of the game projects I want to do for the iPhone…

Still nothing.  Even as I write this, no desire leaps forth to steer my hands toward Xcode.  I don’t know what’s wrong, but it’s really beginning to bug me.  I haven’t done anything productive as far as games programming in months, and I almost have an aversion to it at this point.

I lied.  I think I may know something of the issue.  I’m at a critical point in my learning experience: I have a decently complex game engine that is starting to move into the more esoteric and specialized areas of the industry that I know little about.  This means that I’m going to have to work *much* harder in order to move the engine along by even the tiniest bit.  This fact, coupled with how busy I am these days, means that progress has (and probably will be) slow and arduous; a fact I don’t take kindly to.

Doing this alone is yet another aspect of the engine and game programming that is really starting to wear me down.  It seems impossible at this point in my career to find someone with the proper skill set, free time, and (most importantly) passion.  Also, I can’t seem to find a games industry job or internship anywhere.  I have to say that I’ve started to be a little disenchanted by my career choice, for the above reasons and more.  Hopefully things will look up soon, but until then the BBS game engine will continue to fester and wear an ever wider hole in my brain.



  1. My advice? Get on the Colorado Game Developers mailing and discussion lists. There’s lots of people here who would be able to help you out or give you some advice.

    The fact that you’re working on so much on your own is a big factor for your resume. Additionally, developers will work together as a team, making the best of each team member’s skills and covering their weaknesses.

    Devin Monnens

    • Max Esayev
    • Posted March 14, 2009 at 00:47
    • Permalink

    Something that happened to me a couple of years ago comes to mind when I read this. I was at a Q&A event speaking to Neil Gaiman (one of my favorite authors). I asked him, ‘how do you find time to write?’
    His answer was pretty straightforward. He said ‘I write when I could be doing something else. By not doing that something else, I create time to write. There’s no way around it, if you want to devote yourself to something you love, you’ve got to sacrifice something else you love to do it.’

  2. Hi this blog is great I will be recommending it to friends.

    • Roucis Kyle
    • Posted March 18, 2009 at 09:54
    • Permalink

    Hey, thanks! I glad to see that someone enjoys my blathering and soap-boxing. Hope I don’t disappoint :).

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